Perpetually Bored

If I were to appear as a messed up individual from the first day I arrived, that would be the expectation of me, and no one would bat an eyelid if I failed to deliver.

However, if I were to perform optimally since day one, but on one day, unable to deliver a particular piece of work, the wrath of the brass above me would be incurred and all their fiery anger and resulting consequences brought to bear upon on me.

Compared the first and second case. The former would be multiple failures with little or no consequences, whereas in the latter, it would be one tiny road hump, but with drastic consequences.

The conclusion drawn is that it would be far more beneficial for one’s well-being to fail consistently rather than occasionally.

Expectations are such a strange thing.

It was an evening of watching Future Weapons and reading Wikipedia. It wasn’t an entirely unproductive evening though and I walked away with a theory, or an opinion, that the standard anti-tank weapon used by infantry here is nothing but a glorified wall smasher.

The MATADOR was developed jointly by DSTA (Singapore) and Rafael (Israel). However, different variants of the weapon are employed by the Singapore and Israeli army, with more options for export purposes. It seems however, we chose poorly.

Singapore operates the MATADOR MP in which the warhead can be fired either in HEAT or HESH mode. The selection between the two is done by extending the probe in the front of the weapon for HEAT mode, and leaving it in it’s original configuration for HESH.

HEAT is a high explosive shaped charged, which simply means that its explosive is shaped – guided and concentrated in a certain direction, in order to allow it to breach armor. HESH operates by splattering a layer of plastic explosives (think throwing an egg and its contents sticking to the wall) and then detonating the explosive. HEAT destroys by penetrating armor itself and blowing up, HESH destroys by sending a shock wave through the armor.

Israel operates the MATADOR AS, which is a HEAT only warhead but has two charges, and delay between the first charge and second charge can be set by turning the knob in the front on the weapon. This is called a tandem charge. Simply put, the two charges in the warhead explode at a different timing.

Most modern tank defend themselves against rocket attacks by employing reactive armor. Reactive armor contains a layer of explosives in the form of shaped charges that, upon contact with an incoming rocket, explodes in a certain fashion and destroys the warhead before it can sufficiently penetrate the hull of the tank. Reactor armor are usually placed on tanks in ’slabs’, as pictured below. Those ugly rectangular slabs all over the tank are pieces of reactive armor. Although not the original intention, the spacing between the slabs of reactive armor also serves to reduce the effect of a HESH round as the plastic explosives cannot be applied uniformly and are scattered due to the spacing, resulting in a less effective explosion. In addition, most modern tanks line their interior with shock absorbers making HESH rounds even less effective.

So, I’ve made a tank sound indestructible. Here is where the tandem-charge on the MATADOR AS comes into play. When the rocket hits the target initially, the first charge on it’s warhead goes off, and so does the reactive armor in response. The reactive armor plate is now gone, and a split second later, the second charge on the warhead explodes, piercing through the unprotected hull.

The MATADOR MP which Singapore operates does not have such a capability. Not to discredit the weapon fully, plastic explosives are effective against concrete and thus HESH is therein lies the only usefulness of the weapon in HESH mode – breaching and entering. As an infantryman, I’ll be real upset about lugging a 11.3kg piece of equipment around just to watch it do nothing against a modern tank, and the T72 isn’t even modern.

Before anyone thinks of charging me for anything ridiculous, all of the information obtained in reaching my conclusion were from freely published and unclassified sources.

After an individual has completed their mandatory two years of National Service here, most of their personal documents that have accumulated over their period of service gets destroyed. The earlier half of this month saw people many from my unit completing their period of service and leaving behind two years of internment in what is essentially Auschwitz.

Being one of those that still had a long term left in the service, I had to clean up their mess. Most of the afternoon was spent shredding documents after documents of these people who left service in the past month. I could only imagine how the members of the Stasi felt on 15 January 1990, destroying every single document possible as those pesky counter-revolutionaries and capitalist sympathizers marched on the building.

Boy, it was intense work!

After about 3 weeks of quarantine and confident in camp, thanks a series of poorly implemented measures to initially, contain the spread of H1N1, and then subsequently, to prevent stationed troops from being exposed to H1N1, I’m home again.

It wasn’t a pleasant experience, but it was during these hours that I realized how important my friends and family were to me. My parents brought me supplies to ease the difficulty of staying away for such a long period, and the few friends that I had helped kept my spirits up. I’d especially like to thank these people: my mom and dad, Giada, Stephanie,  Brenda and Jade for all the support they have given. I wouldn’t know what to do without you folks. Also special thanks to my bunkmate, Daniel and Marcus, for helping me make light of the whole situation.

“A biological weapon did not just go off here, but it sure as hell look a lot like it did.”

That was what I though when I returned to camp this morning. All guard duty personnel were wearing protective face masks, and two tents had been set up outside the guard house to screen incoming people. It reminded me a lot of the scene from a reason episode of 24, after a biological agent was released and respond teams from the CDC arrived to cordon off the area.

In the evening as I was leaving the premises, I noticed that no longer was anyone donning protective face masks. Someone up there must have awoken their senses and realized that it was a measure too extreme. If their intention was to show the population that they have matters under control, all they’re doing is to create more of a panic by making matters seem more serve than they actually are.

In a time where keywords such as ‘recessions’ and layoffs’ steal the limelight of every major news program and most people are kept worried if they might be the next casuality of an unforgiving economy, the lack of job security can be a scary thing.

Where I am, I am almost oblivious to the fact that there is an economic crisis out there. There can be no better illustration than that there is a cyclone around me, and I live right in the eye of it, oblivious the wreckage that is going on. Events of the outside world has very little impact on the life of a soldier spending 6 days a week stationed in the barracks. At the same time however, being in the eye of the storm also traps me in there, and I can’t leave. I have one thing few people have these days – job security, and too much of it. I’m assured a job for the next 1.5 years. I can’t resign. I can’t be laid off. On the contrary, if I perform poorly (such as being send to the detention barracks), I get even more job security (extension of service period).

Too much job security can be a scary thing.

The arrival of Chinese New Year came with a few discontiguous off days from the army, the most that I’ll probably receive for a long time to come. A day off the previous Friday, the regular weekly off on Sunday, followed by Monday and Tuesday, which corresponds to the first and second day of the Chinese New Year. Chinese New Year festivities last for fifteen days, with the first two being the most important of all, since this is when people would visit their relatives and close friends.

I don’t know what to do with all that time. Today’s Tuesday and it seems that I’ve wasted the entire duration of my off pass doing absolutely nothing. I’m starting to dislike holiday seasons. The problem with them is that there’s too much cheer in the air, too many smiling faces, and I can’t get into the mood of that. Holiday seasons seem to serve as a reinforcement to my feelings of  isolation and disconnection from the world.

I haven’t been writing not because I don’t have anything to write about, I do. So why don’t I? Two reasons mainly.

One, it’s because what I have to say are too personal for me to be comfortable to leave hanging out. I’ve a huge paranoia about people using what I say against me, especially on the Internet where everything is logged and archived. Judging by the tendency of public figures having their past dug out and used against them, I wouldn’t say my paranoia is all that unfounded.

Secondly, I just can’t seem to find the energy to talk about things. This is one of the most happening periods in the world, and I’ve a lot  of comments on current events, ranging from the inauguration of US President Obama to Singapore’s 2009 budget and handouts (which I concur with the comment from an opposition that “people would be hard pressed to decide to spend it on salt or sugar”). Phrasing them into words however, it feels like a mammoth effort.

I hope the rest of you are faring much better. Happy (Chinese) New Year to all.

(Backdated post)

The first, and most probably last live hand grenade flew from my hand today and exploded.

We were given a tour of the grenade range when we arrived at the grounds, and proceeded to throw a practice grenade followed by a live one.

The pin on the practice grenade was a stubborn one. With all my strength, I couldn’t twist it out if my life depended on it, and had to hand it off the annoyed sergeant beside me who got it out on my behalf, and then passed it back to me. I’ve to admit that handing a grenade, even a practice one with barely any explosives to another person with the pin already out is rather scary business.

Fortunately, the pin came off without much of a struggle on my actual throw. I pulled the pin out, handed the pin to my platoon commander who was standing beside me, got that ‘okay’ tap on my shoulder, flung it and dived behind the protection of the grenade bay right away. I wasn’t scared, but once again, military equipment is always provided for by the lowest bidder, so it was a “boy, I’m glad to have got rid of that” feeling the moment it left my hand.

(Backdated post, excerpt from diary)

Guard duty came down on me and my buddy unexpectedly today.

I’m one of the rare ones that have bene looking forward to doing guard duty with enthusiasm rather than distaste as it would be a break from the routine life of doing physical training daily. Also, I wanted to be able to put a rest to the so-called “paranormal sightings” that have became urban legends around here.

If I recall right, a total of sixteen people from my company had guard duty on the same day. We had an early dinner and were taught the parade skills required for the flag lowering ceremony since it’s the guard duty personnel that graces it. I was nervous because I’ve always been poor at parading. Fortunately, our two guard commanders were rather nice fellows and basically told us to just follow the person standing in front, who in turn was following yet another. Mistakes were made, but thankfully, no verbal abuse was dished out.

We were then marched off to the guard house where roles were assigned. The pair of us took the prowler role, which involves patrolling around rather than the sentry role, which involves being rooted the same spot for the duration of the shift. Each shift lasted two hours, followed by four hours of rest, and three pairs of guards rotated shifts.

Since I had the third shift, the pair of us headed up to the guard house bunk for a rest first. My oh my, the bunk was in an abysmal state. The place was a congregation of dust and the wall lined with cobwebs. It also felt like a furnace in there which left me unable to sleep. To add insult to injury, there was a dead cockroach near my bed, with an army of ants busy devouring it. It was the modern version of a forlorn inn.

My first shift started at 1130h. The first round around the camp was entrilling. As a recruit, I’ve never had this much freedom before. To be walking around at night without supervision – this was new! Between the pair of us we were supposed to keep a distance of 1 meter to 3 meters. This was perfect for me as I get to enjoy a rather solitary walk, something that was much needed which I have not had in a very long time. The walk was peaceful. There were no interruptions from any source, be it living or dead.

The second round however, was a lot less exciting. My feet and neck were sore by then and I just wanted to get over it as soon as possible. The euphoria of doing something new had worn off.

Once the shift was over, the pair of us went back up into the guardroom bunk. This time, despite the poor condition of the room, sleep came quickly due to exhaustion, until four hours later when the second shift begun, and then it was breakfast, and I was back at my company’s barracks, where another round of sleep soon came. The bed at company line never felt this good.

We started on our BCCT (Basic Close Combat Training) on Monday, which is basically unarmed combat, kung-fu fighting, martial arts, or whatever you want to call it. The primary distinction, which we were reminded again and again by the instruction, from traditional martial arts is that while the various forms of martial arts are usually governed by rules on where to or where not to hit, no rules apply for BCCT. The objective for us to fight to disable or kill, not to score points. It was one of the rare lessons that I enjoyed, because it’s something that would be beneficial too in civilian life. It never hurts to be able to defend one’s self.

The distance covered by the route march took a step up too, we’re now marching 6 km instead of the 4 km previously. The increase is rather minor though and I barely had any issues with it, with the exception of my arms going numb as per normal due the load of the field back crushing down on both my shoulders. Furthermore, we were rewarded with an unexpected break when the safety rover that was trailing us broke down at the 5 km mark and we had to wait for it to be fixed. Safety rules dictate that during the route march, a safety rover has to be present in the event that someone needs to be evacuated for medical attention.

Right after the route march, a huge cleaning campaign was launched. There has been a number of people falling ill, first due to water contamination issues, which although the problem was rectified, the number of sick kept rising. The upper echelon didn’t have a clue as to what was going on, so the blame fell on us for not keeping the barracks clean.

We were introduced to the SOC (Standard Obstacle Course) this week too. The SOC comprises of 11 items, but we were only taught 6 thus far. There’s a video here on YouTube if you’re wondering what it’s like. So far we’ve covered the low wall, parallel bars, stepping board, low rope, horizontal beam and the swinging bridge. The low rope is the only one I can’t clear so far.

We received two days off instead instead of the usual one this weekend because Monday is Deepavali, which is a public holiday here in Singapore. Hardly matters though, it’s equally lonely in or out of camp.