The arrival of Chinese New Year came with a few discontiguous off days from the army, the most that I’ll probably receive for a long time to come. A day off the previous Friday, the regular weekly off on Sunday, followed by Monday and Tuesday, which corresponds to the first and second day of the Chinese New Year. Chinese New Year festivities last for fifteen days, with the first two being the most important of all, since this is when people would visit their relatives and close friends.

I don’t know what to do with all that time. Today’s Tuesday and it seems that I’ve wasted the entire duration of my off pass doing absolutely nothing. I’m starting to dislike holiday seasons. The problem with them is that there’s too much cheer in the air, too many smiling faces, and I can’t get into the mood of that. Holiday seasons seem to serve as a reinforcement to my feelings of  isolation and disconnection from the world.

I haven’t been writing not because I don’t have anything to write about, I do. So why don’t I? Two reasons mainly.

One, it’s because what I have to say are too personal for me to be comfortable to leave hanging out. I’ve a huge paranoia about people using what I say against me, especially on the Internet where everything is logged and archived. Judging by the tendency of public figures having their past dug out and used against them, I wouldn’t say my paranoia is all that unfounded.

Secondly, I just can’t seem to find the energy to talk about things. This is one of the most happening periods in the world, and I’ve a lot  of comments on current events, ranging from the inauguration of US President Obama to Singapore’s 2009 budget and handouts (which I concur with the comment from an opposition that “people would be hard pressed to decide to spend it on salt or sugar”). Phrasing them into words however, it feels like a mammoth effort.

I hope the rest of you are faring much better. Happy (Chinese) New Year to all.